Fear of the Unknown

I am not a huge fan of the unknown.  I avoid watching super suspenseful movies because I can’t handle the stress.  It wouldn’t be particularly unusual for me to skim the end of a book if I am worried about a character’s fate.  Uncertainty makes me twitchy.

Dave had a scan mid-August.  The doctor said that nothing had changed and that was good news (https://embracingtherollercoaster.wordpress.com/2012/08/15/more-not-bad-news).  After I got home, I read the scan report that was given to us.  Words like cavitaryrenal, and hypodensity jumped off of the page.  Certainly none of these words had been mentioned at the appointment.  A quick Google search revealed nothing.  I could read the definitions, but I certainly couldn’t understand what the implications were for Dave.

So I waited patiently for Dave to decide if he wanted to discuss this with his regular doctor who had been out of town.  I tried not to seem overly concerned which is part of my job as supportive wife.  A week later, he sent the report and scan to the doctor he had seen at Johns Hopkins.  Today, he FINALLY discussed it with Dr. Spira.  We learned that “cavitary” could be a good thing.  It could indicate that one of the pulmonary metastases is dying.  Unfortunately, Dr. Spira didn’t want to weigh in on the renal hypodensity.  He feels that we will know more after the next scan.  More waiting and wondering.

“I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope, For hope would be hope for the wrong thing. I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope, For hope would be hope for the wrong thing. I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope, For hope would be hope for the wrong thing. I said to my soul, be still…..”

xoxo
Robyn

4 thoughts on “Fear of the Unknown

  1. Hang in there and think positive. There are a ton of people pulling for and with tons a prayers being offered. Love you all. auntie

  2. I’m with you friend – other than skimming to the end of a book – I hate waiting, especially for something important and life-changing. Love the quote at the end that you keep repeating to yourself, I hope it helps. Sending you good thoughts and prayers!

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