Before I write anything down, I usually let a topic ping around in my head for a day or two. I mentally brainstorm as I am sitting in traffic or before I fall asleep at night. Sometimes I realize that I don’t have enough to say, or that it might not be all that interesting or relevant. The idea that I was mulling over most of Saturday was the use of the words “I love you.”
I had a basic idea of what I wanted to convey, but Saturday night cemented it. That night we bid farewell for now to our dear friends who are about to embark on a two year adventure on the other side of the world. As they were leaving, Lexy gave me a hug and told me she loved me. Maybe to her it was out of habit or rote, but I was so touched. To me it meant “We are there for you. We are going to be thinking about you even from afar. We care about you.” I couldn’t help but wonder where all our lives will be when we next see each other. That simple sentence meant the world to me now more than ever. It solidified for me how important it is to tell people how you feel.
For as long as I can remember, I have been afraid that I will lose someone, and I won’t have told them how much they mean to me. If you know my history, you might think that this stems back to when I was 2 1/2 and I was with my birth mother and her family one day and with a completely new family the next. But I know this is not why. It is because of an interaction between my grandfather and my brother which I don’t remember in person, but I know the story. So, I have always felt that it was important to tell my family that I love them as often as possible. It has been since Dave’s diagnosis that I have realized how necessary it is to extend this past my immediate family. After all, I love Dave’s family, my extended family and my friends too. I don’t take the words lightly, and I never want them to be an automatic response, but I believe that they should be said. I know how comforted and supported it makes me feel when someone I care about tells me they love me, and I hope others feel the same way too.
I love you.