Hello? Can you Hear Me?

From the first conversation, I knew that Saturday was going to be a rough day.  Saturdays before chemo weeks are hard.  Saturdays before chemo and scan weeks are the worst.  I started my day being peppered with questions about how I had handled assorted issues during the week.  None of my responses were adequate.  I kept reminding myself that Dave is anxious.  I turned the other cheek.  I remained calm.  I even identified the elephant in the room.  “I understand that you are stressed about Tuesday, but let’s try not to let it ruin the weekend.”

It was such a beautiful day that Dave asked what I wanted to do.  I mentioned that I would really like to go to the National Book Festival.  This idea was met with utter silence.  So, I came up with alternatives.  There was the Dulles Plane Pull or a multicultural festival in Reston.  But the reality is that I was frustrated.  I wanted to go to the Book Festival.  I took a deep breath and swallowed down my words.  We ended up taking the dogs to the dog park and then headed to the multicultural festival and had a great time.

For weeks, we had a dinner on the calendar.  I asked Dave to run to the store to grab something that I needed to bring with us while I took a shower.  When he got back he had hundreds of dollars of groceries and a full trunk load of bags.  Everything except the very thing I had asked him to get.  So after a day of tongue biting, repressing feelings and being understanding, I snapped.  Honestly, I told him that I felt like my thoughts, ideas and needs were completely ignored.  This went over well as you can imagine. So, Dave headed off to the dinner, and I stayed home with Parker and Grant for a marathon of Tanked.  I was sad to miss an evening that I know was full of interesting conversation, laughter and intellectual topics.  But I was relieved to have a break from the stress.

For those of you who have said I am strong, supportive, loving, giving.  I am.  Except when I am not.

Today will be a better day.

xoxo

Robyn

can you hear me now

6 thoughts on “Hello? Can you Hear Me?

  1. Oh Robyn, I can only imagine the stressful tongue-biting you must be going through. It is of course the role of the mommy to put her needs last and listen to what everyone else wants while her own wishes are ignored. I am so sorry you didn’t get to go to the book festival. I missed a Renoir exhibit at the Museum of Fine Art in Boston that I had been saying for a month I wanted to go see – all because other “life” took priority. (I thought this would get better as the kids get older- no? damn.) I can’t even imagine how hard this is to deal with on TOP of being “the rock.” I wish I were closer – I totally would have ditched John with the girls and I would have gone to the book festival with you.

  2. LOL! You are entitled to stroppy days, and I admire your honesty. That picture is classic. Hope you are having a good Sunday. I’ve been thinking about you and will be doing so over the next few days. I can’t imagine having that sort of tension to deal with.

    My folks are visiting and want you to know that you all continue to be in their prayers.

    We all send love. xxx

  3. I didn’t get to go to the National Book Festival either. Bob was at NMMI for parent’s weekend, I had to work in the morning, and I’m not sure my Dave would have done well. It was nice running into at the Multicultural Festival. It was just nice to get out.

    Sometimes I think it’s extremely hard not to snap. There’s only so many concessions you can make without wondering if you are a person too. Sometimes you have to make that known.

  4. I really admire your honesty on this blog. Everyone has days like this. It takes a good person to admit that they have days like this.

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