A Fine Line

ImageI think that there is a fine line between being real and sharing too much.  I hope that this leans closer to the first and not the latter.  When the person you love has cancer, they are still the same person they were before diagnosis, for better or for worse.  Disagreements happen.  It is during those times that I struggle.  I wonder if I am being unfair. I worry that I am overreacting in the whole scheme of things.  Dave didn’t see the issue with driving for 15+ hours during a 36 hour period to go and watch a televised football game with friends.  I questioned whether this was a good decision since he was just coming off of an early chemo treatment due to Thanksgiving.  I thought it was nuts to drive home the Sunday after Thanksgiving.  I also thought it was inconsiderate to his family who had traveled here from California and Georgia.

But he went anyway.  When he returned today, he walked in the house, dropped his stuff and went to bed.  Then he got up and took the dogs for a walk, watched some football, ate dinner and went back to bed.  He will be adding work and evening duty to his schedule starting tomorrow. He has set himself up to be exhausted this week – his off week when he should be feeling okay.  This makes me so angry that I am up at 11:30 at night trying to process it.  I want him see friends.  I want him to have that normalcy he so obviously craves.  I also want him to take care of himself so that he can be as healthy as possible for himself and for his family.  But in the end I have decided that I can’t want it more than he does.

xoxo

Robyn

Bearing Witness

ImageDave typically does chemo on Wednesdays.  He spends most of his day in the infusion lab and then leaves with his pack which he wears for 48 hours.  When he gets home from the lab, he generally eats something and heads to bed.  Thursdays he sleeps in a bit and then heads off to work in the late morning or early afternoon.  At least this is what I assumed since I work on Thursdays and am not home.  This week, because of Thanksgiving, he had his infusion on Monday and gets disconnected today.  I don’t work on Tuesdays so I was home on his middle day.  He was down for the count.  He slept in, got up and ate something, read the paper and then went back to bed.  He slept the entire day.  When he did finally rally for a birthday dinner celebration with his family, he was still exhausted and feeling very ill.  I had no idea.  None.  Seeing his family did give him a burst of energy, and I think that for that few hours, he felt a little better.  When we got home, he went straight back to bed.  Yesterday was a very eye opening day.

xoxo

Robyn

Spongebob, Gratitude and Assorted Thoughts

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November seems to be a month for reflection.  I notice on Facebook that a lot of people write one thing they are grateful for each day throughout the month.  I think that it is important to set some time aside to examine and count your blessings.  What I have learned in the last 15 months and 17 days is how to be more appreciative and more grateful.  It is not that I didn’t think I was doing okay in that regard, but I had some room for growth.  For every favor, request, plea that I send heavenward, I now send up an equal if not greater number of thank yous.  I am far less critical – well, except when it comes to Grant’s missing school work but that is another story.  I am far more accepting of people warts and all.  That’s not to say there aren’t issues that get under my skin.  (Don’t get me started on all the data/testing in our schools or teachers who seem to want to be elsewhere.)  But, overall, I see the good in people and understand that they “are who they are”.  I am driven to spend family time and enjoy the little moments as much as possible.  It is not that I am fatalistic; I have just learned a new better way for me to live.  At the end of the day, I want to be able to say that I knew what was important and I spent my time focused on those things – family, friends, making a difference, laughing, learning.

I am thankful that in our house it is considered a challenge to go an entire day without quoting Spongebob.  Communication with teens is not always the easiest thing in the world but in our house we all speak a common language which usually involves Spongebob, Family Guy and assorted movies.  I would give you an example, but I am trying to win the challenge Samantha laid down this morning….

Happy Thanksgiving.

xoxo

Robyn

Oblivious

While we have been hunkering down in our foxhole fighting the good fight, so much has been going on to which we have been oblivious.  I had an opportunity to catch up with a friend this week whom I apparently haven’t talked to in a LONG time.  So many events have transpired in the last six months especially – parent stuff, health stuff, kid stuff.  I feel bad that I was so clueless.  Being in the presence of cancer makes you pretty self-centered and selfish.  I spend way too much time thinking about what is going on with us and not enough thinking about others.  I think I need to reenter the world from time to time to check in.  

xoxo

Robyn

Celebrations

Samantha

Sam has turned in all the necessary paperwork needed to complete her first college application.  She is applying to CNU Early Action and should know by mid-January.  She also has an interview at W&M this Friday and will spend the day shadowing a current student.  Exciting times!

Grant

We think that Grant has made the high school swim team.  Grant being Grant isn’t 100% sure, but they haven’t sent him home from practice so we are taking that as a good sign.  Today, he also finally turned in his missing work from first quarter which ended November 2nd.  We take our victories where we can get them!

Parker

Parker earned her white belt for her violin program (Tae Kwon Bow).  She is quite proud of herself.  Of course when she told each one of us she got a 4 on her test, we all replied “out of 5?” and she patiently explained four different times that it was indeed out of 4.

xoxo

Robyn

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Toxic

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On Friday, I went with my friend, May https://embracingtherollercoaster.wordpress.com/2012/09/30/cancer-for-dummies-3 to Village Green Apothecary http://www.myvillagegreen.com.  It is a shop in Bethesda that has lots and lots of vitamins, organic products and holistic remedies.  May is a wealth of knowledge herself, and she showed me the go-to guy in the shop to ask for help.  I picked up a sampling of things for Dave to try as well as a few things for the kids and me.  

I can’t help but think that it might be a good idea to try some natural products when dealing with side effects like fatigue, nausea, neuropathy, rashes etc.  Dave gets so many toxins pumped into his system every other week during chemo.  He takes 3-4 medicines daily for his diabetes.  Then he has 7-8 prescriptions to take before, during or after chemo to prevent or help with side effects.  And of course there are the recommended over the counter remedies.  Dave’s body is a toxic battleground.  I have no problem with the wisdom of modern medicine, but we are both open to other methods and schools of thought too.

xoxo

Robyn

 

Because There is More to Life

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I am tired and crabby and stressed.  No one in my family has escaped unscathed.  And it is not for the reasons you would think.  It started with staying up way too late watching the election results Tuesday night, and culminated with a parent/teacher conference at the high school today.  Friday.  at 4:00.  In between there was a tree removal that involved a crane over the house, an electrician who wouldn’t stop chatting with me while I was paying him by the hour, a door that STILL hasn’t been installed, and a car that wouldn’t start.  Bring on the weekend.

We are looking forward to some down time/recovery time, a reunion dinner and sleep glorious sleep.

xoxo

Robyn