I think that there is a fine line between being real and sharing too much. I hope that this leans closer to the first and not the latter. When the person you love has cancer, they are still the same person they were before diagnosis, for better or for worse. Disagreements happen. It is during those times that I struggle. I wonder if I am being unfair. I worry that I am overreacting in the whole scheme of things. Dave didn’t see the issue with driving for 15+ hours during a 36 hour period to go and watch a televised football game with friends. I questioned whether this was a good decision since he was just coming off of an early chemo treatment due to Thanksgiving. I thought it was nuts to drive home the Sunday after Thanksgiving. I also thought it was inconsiderate to his family who had traveled here from California and Georgia.
But he went anyway. When he returned today, he walked in the house, dropped his stuff and went to bed. Then he got up and took the dogs for a walk, watched some football, ate dinner and went back to bed. He will be adding work and evening duty to his schedule starting tomorrow. He has set himself up to be exhausted this week – his off week when he should be feeling okay. This makes me so angry that I am up at 11:30 at night trying to process it. I want him see friends. I want him to have that normalcy he so obviously craves. I also want him to take care of himself so that he can be as healthy as possible for himself and for his family. But in the end I have decided that I can’t want it more than he does.