Can I Get Back to You?

I am a planner.  There is comfort, for me, in knowing what is happening next.  We have been planning our lives around Dave’s chemo schedule for over a year now.  Knowing which weekends are “good” weekends determines greatly what events/activities we will do.  Every month, I mark the calendar for labs, doctor appointments, day 1 of chemo and day 3 of chemo.  It gives a little bit of structure in an uncertain world.

On Tuesday, we met with Dave’s oncologist, and Dave’s chemo schedule was changed from every 2 weeks to every 3 weeks.  Dave and Dr. Spira were discussing whether that would start this week (his previously scheduled time) or next week (giving him a full 3 weeks since his last infusion).  I actually interrupted and asked if we could check our calendar.  I interrupted.  And asked if we could check the calendar.  As soon as it was out of my mouth, it felt selfish and ridiculous.  I wasn’t thinking about Dave getting a bit of a break right away and an extra week to recover.  I was thinking “What will that look like 3 weeks from now?  Or 4 weeks from now?  Do we have anything planned for then?”  It’s the ugly truth.  I was concerned that Dave’s CHEMO schedule might put him on course for treatment during graduation week and what that would mean for everyone involved.  As it turns out, either way would have missed that week so I could have (and likely should have) kept quiet.

xoxo

Robyn

12 thoughts on “Can I Get Back to You?

  1. I totally get it….. don’t beat yourself up to badly… there are several folks involved in the patients life…. all the best spring to you all…

    Jayne

  2. Robyn stop beating yourself up you are part of this too and as you said you are a planner so it is what it is. and whiie of course Dave comes first there are many others and things to consider which is what you were doing.

  3. You could have kept quiet, but you didn’t. And, I think that is OK. I can’t imagine even one person in the world, including Dave, that would want you to keep quiet when you have something to say or ask. 🙂 You are definitely not selfish. Sending hugs. – C

  4. And what if it actually was graduation week? Dave needs you to think ahead for things like this. He might not want to admit it, but he does need it. What was selfish about thinking about something that involves events for your family AND events for Dave’s work? Where in grad week is Robyn having “me time.” You didn’t ask for chemo to be schedule around your solo trip to a spa. You were not being selfish. You were just trying be practical in your role of keeping all the balls in the air. Please don’t beat yourself up.

    (BTW, after grad week I suspect you will need some “me time” and I hope you have a chance to take it. That wouldn’t be selfish either. That would be Robyn getting a break so she can refocus on keeping the balls in the air.)

  5. I totally get it, your life shouldn’t have to revolve around cancer and chemo schedules, it’s really not fair and it really stinks. Your life does revolve around it and there is nothing wrong with trying to keep tabs on the parts you can control. You’ve got a lot on your plate and you’re managing like a hero. Sending prayers and love to you all.

  6. Like it or not you are the family secretary. Everything falls to you and that includes Dave’s treatment schedules. There is a big BUT Samantha’s graduation is HUGE and not to be taken lightly. I don’t really know Dave but I’m sure he would want to feel 100% that day. Dave’s cancer isn’t going anywhere for now so go ahead and enjoy the graduation and all the events that make it a special day in your family. Of course if you had to make a choice it would be for Dave but it sounds like you can make this all happen without the treatment that week. good luck lots of love and many prayers

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