The Cancer Card

There are a couple of topics that I have have been mulling over lately.  They are both difficult to write about because they are also both challenges with which to live.  I thought I would attempt to write about one and save the other for another day.  My disclaimer is that I don’t mean to sound either unsympathetic or unappreciative.  

Since Dave was diagnosed in August 2011, I don’t think there has been a single thing that he has wanted to do that I haven’t agreed to.  We bought a puppy; we went to Disney World; he’s taken numerous trips to see friends.  ALL of this has been great.  However, there have been a couple of times that what Dave was requesting seemed unreasonable to me.  This is where the challenge lies for the spouse.  I don’t want to say no.  I don’t want to deny Dave anything because quite frankly we don’t know how much time he may have on this earth.  

Lately I have been thinking about this concept A LOT.  The reality is that none of us knows how long we are going to live.  Is it realistic to “live like you are dying”?   It is not an easy question to answer.  In fact, it seems impossible at times.  The reality is that we still have three children.  We have jobs and responsibilities.  And sometimes, the request doesn’t feel fair or sensible.  The first time we encountered this obstacle I reached out to some of the people involved and didn’t really get much in the way of support.  I suppose that is because they were also struggling with interfering with something Dave really wanted to do.  The most recent time, I again had someone say to me “I don’t want to get involved.”  What I have realized is that it is going to be up to me to draw the line in the sand.  It is a responsibility I have as a wife and as a partner of someone with cancer.  I feel both guilty and justified.  




6 thoughts on “The Cancer Card

  1. Now that is a challenge that I really had not thought of before. It makes perfect sense when I hear you explain it. I pray for strength for you to do what you deem best (for everyone involved). You truly are a beautiful writer and i look forward to reading your many messages.

    • don’t feel bad, please! the reality is that i am the only person that sees dave at his lowest lows (post chemo, post surgery, or just down in the dumps). for everyone else, he puts on the “all is great” face. so there is no reason for others to discourage him from doing things. i just wish they would so i wouldn’t have too. : ) i don’t like being the person who says no. and mostly there is no need to.

  2. Robyn. There is no easy answer to what you or Dave face each day. You need some quiet time to your self. May be a specialist to help guide you. When things are so heavy you need a special person to listen to you. You are dealing with soooo many things now without any real answers. My prayers are always with you and your beautiful family. Death is not anything anyone of wants to think about but it is what we have to think about especially with illness and age. You deserve to scream so go right ahead!!!!

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