There are a couple of topics that I have have been mulling over lately. They are both difficult to write about because they are also both challenges with which to live. I thought I would attempt to write about one and save the other for another day. My disclaimer is that I don’t mean to sound either unsympathetic or unappreciative.
Since Dave was diagnosed in August 2011, I don’t think there has been a single thing that he has wanted to do that I haven’t agreed to. We bought a puppy; we went to Disney World; he’s taken numerous trips to see friends. ALL of this has been great. However, there have been a couple of times that what Dave was requesting seemed unreasonable to me. This is where the challenge lies for the spouse. I don’t want to say no. I don’t want to deny Dave anything because quite frankly we don’t know how much time he may have on this earth.
Lately I have been thinking about this concept A LOT. The reality is that none of us knows how long we are going to live. Is it realistic to “live like you are dying”? It is not an easy question to answer. In fact, it seems impossible at times. The reality is that we still have three children. We have jobs and responsibilities. And sometimes, the request doesn’t feel fair or sensible. The first time we encountered this obstacle I reached out to some of the people involved and didn’t really get much in the way of support. I suppose that is because they were also struggling with interfering with something Dave really wanted to do. The most recent time, I again had someone say to me “I don’t want to get involved.” What I have realized is that it is going to be up to me to draw the line in the sand. It is a responsibility I have as a wife and as a partner of someone with cancer. I feel both guilty and justified.