This “30 Days of Gratitude” turned out to be a bigger writing/life assignment than I had originally imagined. Focusing on the positives really helped my mindset this month. There were days when I was totally uninspired and not feeling particularly thankful, but I found that if I waited a few hours, something put itself in my path. As I look back, the topics are slightly haphazard but that is indicative of my brain these days. I know that I have a lot to be grateful for and have only skimmed the surface over the last thirty days. I am hoping this attitude will stick with me in the days and months to come as we head into the hubbub of the holidays as well as doctor visits and new treatment plans.
This Thanksgiving season has passed so quickly. Samantha heads back to school tomorrow and Dave’s family begins leaving today. We head up to Johns Hopkins on Monday for a second look at Dave’s recent test results and scans. For now the plan is to trade Vectibix for Erbitux (basically same drug, different manufacturer) and add back a previously used drug called Irinotecan. Dave has mentioned that he isn’t going to stay on the vectibix/erbitux for too long since the rash is driving him crazy. I am praying that his symptoms settle down, and he can stay the course for as long as possible. His oncologist walked us down the treatment path last Wednesday. After this third line stops being effective or tolerated, we have one more “standard care” drug line before drug trials. So, I will encourage and support sticking this line out as long as possible at the same time listening and looking for Dave to indicate that it’s too much. It is a delicate line between encouraging/bolstering and pushing/imposing. I think we do remarkably well with those kinds of conversations – another thing for which to be grateful.
I slept a lot this break. My mind seems to be in overdrive. Even when I am with other people, I find my brain pinging around. So, if I am talking to you and I seem to go away for a minute, just know that it is not you. I am probably thinking about recycling or Joaquin Phoenix or bacon.