I think that it is important to protect Dave from undue stress. Mostly this means that I am dealing with house stuff or car stuff or kid stuff. Sometimes, there is information that I find out and the first person I want to talk to about it is Dave. But, I can’t because it might be upsetting, and he has enough to deal with. So, I talk to friends or family and work through it that way.
There are times when it is a tough call if and what I should share. Last week I got an email from one of the couples we met on the retreat. It had phrases like “rapid tumor growth” and “recommend hospice”. I have sat on this information for a week now not knowing what to share if anything. We are going to have dinner with this couple tomorrow night so I felt like I had to say something. After all, it would look uncaring if we didn’t support them during this time. However, I also have to protect Dave’s mental state at the same time. In the end, I decided to tell him that D. is going to try six rounds of chemo since he has had tumor growth recently. That way he has some idea what is going on but isn’t completely burdened by all that is going on. Hopefully that is the right call.