Setting the Record Straight

I am not “the rock”.

I am not brave.

I am not strong.

I am terrified.

Every single day.

There is a panicky moment each day when I think, “I cannot do this.” I want to load up the family and the dogs, jump in the car, and drive as far away from this madness as possible. But that wouldn’t be the right thing for Dave. So I stay. And I do the best that I can. And somehow one minute, one hour, one day at a time, I am managing to get by.  Each day seems to be a little tougher than the one before.

But there are small victories – I got my 6’5” 238lb. man to the shower and back in one piece. In these victories I am reminded (in the recently shared, wise words of Winnie the Pooh)

“you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think”.



9 thoughts on “Setting the Record Straight

  1. Honey you are all of those things and don’t ever forget it! To me you are amazing and everyone knows this I assure you. I’m just extremely sorry that you have to go through this both of you no all of you this isn’t a one person show at all. love and hugs Aunt Carolyn

  2. Robyn,
    I understand you don’t want to get credit you don’t think you deserve. I don’t see you as a superhero. That label puts too much pressure on you. Instead, I read your blogs and learn with each one a little more about you and a lot more about: what is helpful to someone in crisis; what a truly forgiving person behaves like (I.e. I would have gone friggin’ postal on AW at the Social Security Office);how the foundation of a strong marriage will make all the difference in the center of a storm;that the belief that things can get better is what helps us keep moving forward. I can only hope that if I am ever faced with a situation as heartbreaking as the one you are in that I can handle it with the grace,honesty and sensitivity you have. You are something else, Girl.

  3. You are the rock. You are brave. You are strong, because although terrified, you are choosing to stay and not drive away from the madness. I am in awe of your courage and love for your family. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers, love you.

  4. You and your husband are showing your children what true love and devotion is. It is a gift you are passing to your kids together, and that is priceless. Many prayers, Carol

  5. I’ve been a reader of Laura’s blog for several years and came here through her. Your blog has moved me to tears and I prayed for you this morning. Okay, you are delusional if you think you don’t have writing talent. You do. Very much so. I’ve felt every emotion you’ve written about and you have a way of helping the reader truly understand what it’s like for the spouse of a person with cancer. This touches my hear at Bc my friend Sara Walker was diagnosed with same illness and wasn’t diagnosed until it also metastisized to her liver. She was diagnosed on her 33rd birthday in 2011. She was an inspiration to so many and it seems that Dave is the same. Thank you for letting Laura share your story and blog. Many prayers for strength for you and a peace that passes all understanding. Praying for your sweet children.

    • I also wanted to say that Sara had a blog/website and she wrote about cancer from her perspective so it’s been so heartwarming to hear it from your perspective too. I think her site is savoringtheday dot com. They moved it from caring bridge but I thought you might be interested in reading about her.

  6. Hi Mrs. Tremaine,
    I met with your husband a few times after my daughter Diana started 7th grade in 2011. I was interested in getting a nutritional club going at hayfield using sustainable food from my garden . I brought him a sampler of bruschetta , 9 grain banana bread, salsa, etc. and he was so enthusiastic & loved everything . He had just gotten the salad bar introduced which he was really proud of ( especially given the rate it takes to do anything in fcps). Now, looking back at the time we met (October 2012), I cannot believe his behavior . Obviously he knew what he was facing & he acted like he had not a care in the world . I don’t remember when I learned of his illness, but every time I saw him at school from then on he was exactly the same ebullient, wonderful person people love and respect . If Jackie Kennedy was the embodiment of grace under pressure, Mr. Tremaine is right up there with her. He has been so great to Diana , always interested in how her (competitive) figure skating was going. To her -and I know to others- he is a prince. She has cried herself to sleep a lot lately thinking of Mr. Tremaine . .
    We left a present for him last week which I hope he saw . A little red book entitled “me without you.” (Sky without you, scooby without doo, zoo without gnu, politician without issue , etc. ) A lot of the kids & teachers signed every page .
    I sent your blog to my sister Joyce after Miss Oliva told Diana about it. Please accept the fact that you are an amazing person. My grandmother used to say ” one should not be tried”..but I see there are people like yourself that are tried to the point of screaming . And yet you are able to keep putting one foot in front of another. Believe me , I wish you had the power to change your world – and make all this awful disease- and torment – disappear forever. I am going to keep on praying that this will happen- even if it takes a miracle . Tell Mr. Tremaine that we are pulling for him and to try to fight as I know he is. Our thoughts are with you and your children on this day.
    Leslie Haemer

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