Some Answers

We have been touched by all of the emails, texts, messages, calls.  I have read every single one.  I just might not have responded.  There have been some common questions and I have answers.  Kind of.

When is the funeral?  Dave was very anti-funeral or memorial.  He hated the idea of people standing around crying for him.  He was very clear that he did not want one.  Instead he wanted me to throw a big old party celebrating life.  I am sure his vision included lots of people wearing orange, sharing funny stories and blasting Van Halen from the speakers.  So, that is what we will do.  I am thinking it will be sometime around when we should have been celebrating his 50th birthday – November 20th.  I’ll give out details when I figure it all out.

Over the last few weeks, we would take the dogs out for a walk through the woods and talk about everything under the sun.  This was such a gift that I didn’t fully appreciate until now.  One afternoon, we talked about his wish to be cremated.  I asked him where he would want his ashes scattered.  He told me he hadn’t really thought about that, but he would get back to me.  So, I beat myself up on Monday over the fact that we never got back to that discussion.  Then I had a thought that I shared with the kids.  They were on board so I talked to Dave’s mom and sister.  We are having his ashes divided up.  Each family member will take theirs and scatter them somewhere that holds meaning for them – maybe a place that they spent special time with Dave or brings back fun memories.  The only thing that I ask is that they take a picture of the place and write down where they went and why they picked that spot.  It is important for me that his kids know his history and have that as part of their fabric.

Can I make a donation somewhere in his name? We are in the process of figuring it out.  Dave’s family and I agree that he would have loved to support Hayfield in some way.  We are trying to figure out how to go about setting that up.  Again, I will definitely let you know when I have the details.



PS There has been a fair amount of media coverage – NBC4 (local TV), The Washington Post (print and online), WTOP (local radio).  He was one of a kind that man.

 One more added today –


8 thoughts on “Some Answers

  1. Robyn – I am touched to the core that Dave’s brother stepped in to speak about Dave and wish the 2014 graduates well (while dealing with his own grief). That signifies to me the type of family the Tremaine’s are. I worried and thought about your family and the Hayfield graduates since I learned of Dave’s passing. This news touched me deeply and I think it was absolutely beautiful! You and the kids are in very good hands but of course you already know that! BIG HUGS to you all! XO

  2. Robyn, my sincere sympathy and prayers to you, the children and your families! I echo your words that Dave was a great, great man! I knew that long ago when I met him in the 1990’s. I also want you to know how much Dave helped me through my personal battle with cancer. Without Dave, I honestly don’ t know if I would have persevered! When he hired me at Hayfield I was just informed that I would have to under go some aggressive chemo to treat the form of leukemia I had. This was before Dave’s own diagnosis. Dave was so supportive, told me whatever I needed, we talked for hours about chemo, doctors, life and death etc, when I was dragging he would send me home,,,, could not have done it without him! After his diagnosis the talks intensified and we discussed our doctors, treatments, courage, and fear. I will never forget those times and those talks, they were sincere and deep. We shared the same belief about funerals and burials…. NOPE!!!!! I just can’t figure out why my treatments worked and why Dave’s and others do not! I will never forget Mr T and will always fight the fight like he would want me to! God bless you and your children and please call with anything I may be able to help with,,,,, chuck 202 802 5022

  3. My dear friend, Thank you for sharing with us, at a time when I know many arms and hearts are reaching out to you. I am also extending my love to you and am so thankful there are so many that are there for all of you at this difficult time. Xoxoxo

  4. Thank you, Robyn for sharing your thoughts. It is important to honor Dave’s wishes and meet your needs and the children’s in honoring Dave the way that is the best fit for your family. I thought the article in the Washington Post was well written. I have a print copy from this morning’s paper if you would like to have it.

  5. Dear Robyn: Please accept my sympathy and know that I have been keeping up with “treeman” and your beautiful blog. Dave was one of my favorite people and our careers crossed many times over the years, including the “Hootie” connection in Myrtle Beach. When he first was an administrator at Glasgow, and I got to know him – his warmth, enthusiasm, and genuine optimism was both entertaining and inspiring. (I always teased him that he was going to make me pull his finger…..not……) This man really was a hero – and touched so many – I just have a feeling, he is organizing one of those pick-ups in heaven…..he created a beautiful family!! In my prayers – Jackie McKeown

  6. Robyn. I think it is very important that you are going with Dave’s wishes. You’ll always have our love and support.

  7. Dear Robyn, Thank you so much for sharing the wonderful articles written about your dear husband. I also want to deeply thank you for sharing with all of us your decision about his ashes. Robyn that was truly an absolutely beautiful and brilliant idea! I think (from what little I know) I think he would love that idea! Lastly…..I know Dave was an amazing human being who meant soooo much to soooo many, but as my dear husband always likes to point out…he always says to me ” I would not be who I am, where I am, or what I am without you “. I am sure you were that and more to Dave….his other half💛 Thank you for posting!!! Love and prayers from your online support…

  8. Robyn,
    I am so sorry for your loss. David was a principal at Lafayette high school in Williamsburg va for a short time. In that short time he convinced me to continue the coarse, turn my life around and graduate. I kept in contact with him via email a little and I recently found out that he had passed. I don’t think he would like to take credit for it, but if it wasn’t for him, I probably wouldn’t be where I am today and I definitely wouldn’t have gotten my diploma. I could never thank him enough for what all he did for my life and the lives of so many others. He wasn’t just a principal in the school system, he was a counselor and a friend. If there is any way that I can be of any help with a charity or anything that comes with time I would feel honored. The world needs more “Mr. T’s”. I can only imagine how many others lives have changed due to the out of the box leadership, and inspiration he gave. My love and prayers are with you, his family, and all of his friends.

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