72 Hours Later – Brain Dump

I killed a HUGE man eating sized bug today.  All by myself.  It took a can of Raid and a really heavy book, but I did it.  It also took some Clorox wipes to deal with the aftermath.  Dave knew that if he came home and there was a book randomly placed on the floor that there was something I deemed scary underneath.  And he would take care of it.  

Last night we had dinner with his family.  Everyone was gathered in my sister in law’s family room.  Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Dave walk in.  Of course it wasn’t.  It was his brother returning from the airport.  But for that moment, I thought it could be.  

The family is leaving over the next fews day.  They have families and responsibilities to take care of.  It is going to be really hard to see them go.  The help and support everyone provided can’t be measured.  I will miss them.  I guess I am feeling really alone which is silly because I know that I am not.  My family and friends are at the ready to help in any way they can.

This week, I will be dealing with paperwork and benefits related things.  Each time I get an email, I feel stressed.  We thought we had done all of the paperwork and covered all of our bases.  Of course, that doesn’t appear to be so now.  On Friday, I have to pick up the death certificate.  The death certificate.  I can’t believe it.

My neighbor set up a fundraising site for us.  I am feeling a little sheepish about it but I said okay because I can use whatever money to make the kids lives as full and normal as possible as we try to fill even a tiny portion of the Dave sized gap we have in our lives now.  He was he fun parent.  Now, I need to step up my fun game.

As Dave would be saying to me right now.  “It is going to be okay.  Just take it one day at a time.”  






13 thoughts on “72 Hours Later – Brain Dump

  1. Robyn,

    For what it is worth, we’ll said! Dave indeed would give you the “one day at a time gig!” As I stated previously, I will never forget his support for me! Please let me know if I could do anything at all!

    My prayers are with you,


    Sent from my iPad


  2. Dear Robin how I said to Samantha..”.time is the key”…remember you are a WOMAN, you can do it!!! all our love to you and the kids

  3. We as a community won’t leave you alone, Robyn…or left *feeling* alone, anyway, I hope. And a personal sidebar — just as you wrote about hearing your “inner Dave” in the last line of this blog post, in discussing last evening a challenging situation in our own lives where my wife and I are tempted to simply give up in discouragement, we found ourselves actually saying out loud, “How would Dave handle this? HE wouldn’t just abandon the cause at this point.” And therein lies one of the many legacies Dave leaves with us…his example and counsel and spirit lives on, as it should…and will.

  4. It’s okay to be the sad parent right now too. Cry and scream and get angry and kill every bug you come across – even the tiny ones! The fun will come when it’s time. Sending you so much love. And food. Cause that’s what I know how to do. Making you brownies right now. 😉

  5. Hi ms. Robyn,

    My mom and I started a petition on change.org so the name of hayfield could be changed to include mr. Tremaine’s name. Do you think it is a good idea? If so, I ask that you please sign it. I am trying to get the word around to people, but I know that he is not part of my actual family (although he was family to hayfield) which is why I am asking your opinion on the matter. Here is the link:

    Thank you so much,

  6. Hi Robyn,

    Please share the link as I would love to make a donation. I have been praying for you, your family and Dave.

    Wishing you peace,

  7. Mrs. Tremaine ,
    I think of your husband very often and since he was not any relation I can only attribute this to the powerful and positive presence that he had on those who knew him. Maybe people should start referring to this as ‘ the Tremaine effect ‘-who knows.
    My daughter Diana wrote to you about her petition to rename the school, and I am happy to say that it has really taken off. 150 signatures in just a few hours! The comments from parents & kids alike are just amazing. The school board chairman & the Lee representative are aware of the petition so we are hopeful..but realistically this is just the start . I know there is no other person more deserving of this honor than Mr. T. – he will live on forever in our hearts.
    Thank you for acting as one of the bravest people I have never met.

  8. I would just like to say that you are a strong woman. Mr. Tremaine came into Hayfield my senior year (2011, his first year) and he made it the best year of high school for me. Your husband was a great man, and we all loved him dearly. He is one of the reasons why I am becoming a teacher today. I joked with him that I would be back in those hayfield halls teaching with him being my boss now, and not my principal. Mr. Tremaine will never be forgotten, and neither will his orange suits.


  9. Hi Robyn,
    Loved your post today…and the title!!! This might be a really really hard time…everyone will go back to their normal lives and you will be beginning a new normal. A new normal that you never asked for, that you never expected, that you never wanted…Some days it will be okay but some will simply suck… Feeling alone is not silly at all….you other half is gone. Please don’t be angry with me, but in some ways it is a relief bc watching someone you love, more than anything, suffer, is one of the worst things any human being can go through. Knowing Dave is at peace hopefully will give you a little peace too.. Unfortunately, you are the one left to pick up all the pieces – and there are sooooooo many pieces…things you never had to take care of (small example the HUGE man eating bug) the emails/paperwork…now lays/lies on your shoulders…alone… But Dave is right one day at a time one hour at a time even a few minutes at a time……as far as the fundraising – embrace it Robyn…this too will sound selfish, but this makes US feel good……helping you and the kids helps US……I love how you are thinking about stepping up your “fun game”….because you will… You may never fill it to “Dave Sized” capacity but he will be there in your heart CHEERING you on…. Sleep well… Keep posting!!!! 😇

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