Forever Words

Mornings seem to be the toughest part of the day for me.  I wake up, and he’s not here.  So, I have been sitting down at the computer and writing here.  I think it helps.

Over the last five days, I have gone over the details and events of Dave’s last 36 hours or so.  I comb through trying to remember each word or gesture.  I wonder what I could have done or said differently.  I think (hope) this is part of my healing.  

That last Friday, when I went in to check on him, he was sleeping soundly.  So I left a big bowl of raspberries on the table beside him.  A little later when I went in, the bowl was empty.  Dave never was able to resist some delicious berries.  Later I teased him – 

Me: I see you found the berries.

D: I was so happy when I woke up and saw them.  <BIG GRIN>  You are one in a million.

I will hold those words forever in my heart.



12 thoughts on “Forever Words

  1. Hi Robyn , you are one in a million! I do hope that writing your posts helps you…. I think I can say for your many followers that your posts are truly helpful to us as we remember Dave and have you, the kids, and family members constantly in our thoughts. We want to know how you are doing and to be here to “listen” when you need to “talk” .

  2. Mr. T was one of the vice principals when I was in the eighth grade at Glasgow Middle School. That spring, all of the eighth graders were taking their annual spring field trip to Philadelphia. I was sooo shy back then, and of course, with no real friends to sit next to, I was seated all by myself on the bus. When Mr. T got on the bus, he sat right next to me. ME, of all people!!! I was scared to death to sit next to him because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to carry on a conversation, and I guess that I didn’t want to let him down. So when Mr. T got up to do something at the front of the bus, I moved to another seat. That was my loss.

    It may not seem like much, but just that brief interaction with him made me realize that Mr. T was a truly special person. He wasn’t concerned about who the “popular” kids were. He embraced everyone. When I found out that Mr. T had passed away, I felt like I was kicked in the gut. How could THIS happen to HIM?!?

    I am so, so saddened for your loss, Mrs. Tremaine. Mr. T made an impact on so many peoples’ lives, even if he didn’t know it. Thank you so much for writing this blog. In addition to helping in your healing process, it has certainly helped me in mine.

  3. The more I read about Dave, it occurs to me that we at Hayfield were only seeing the tip of the iceburg that was Dave Tremaine. Your words and words of others about him have helped to fill in gaps and give us all a better glimpses of the man. The words you share are so very special and I thank you for sharing them.

  4. I’m so glad you are keeping written notes of all the special moments. Memory does fade a little with time. Those small moments are precious. Just do what feels right .

  5. Robyn — I have been quiet on your blog since you wrote of Dave’s passing. Unselfishly, most of this has been because the second anniversary of the loss of my precious daughter will be June 30. I have been reliving all of the emotions you are writing about and understanding them. No matter whether it is a child, spouse or parent, a loss is a loss. You will forever cherish this blog of your journey and you feelings. You will reread, laugh and cry. Your writing this morning brought a smile to my face because I will always remember that my daughter and I spoke about 15 minutes before the accident and our conversation is forever etched in my mind.

    One thing I have told many people is that I will not apologize that I am still grieving. The thought pattern that has helped me is: I will never get over my loss, but I will get through it. You are SO STRONG — even though you don’t think you are – and I hope those words will help you a little. You have an amazing support system and people are ready to assist you and your children in any way possible. Your loss is so heartbreaking — your memories that your continue to share are so enjoyed by so many. Thank you for sharing all of those “special” times with everyone.

    My friendship with Dave was very new — only three years, but we established a quick friendship and that intensified when he was diagnosed with cancer since I am a cancer survivor. I am still in awe that he emailed me personally to tell me that the oncologist had said no more than six months. I have become friends with many people because of my association with the Virginia High School League, but Dave is at the top. Thoughts and prayers continue for you, your children, his parents and siblings.

  6. Hi Robyn – I saved an email conversation and wanted to get it to you but wasn’t sure when would be the best time or how to deliver it to you, and then you wrote this blog entry about words. So here it is.

    In a message dated 5/28/2014 8:30:46 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, writes:
    You will always be my special buddy. I would love to stay in touch Jean. Thank you for all of your support over the years.
    Sent from my iPhone

    On May 28, 2014, at 8:46 PM, I wrote:
    Yes, you had better stay in touch. Just read Robyn’s blog — you’ve got an amazing wife there my friend. Photography only keeps me so busy … and Reston is not far … if you ever need ANYTHING, please reach out: home phone is (703) xxx-xxxx cell phone is (571) xxx-xxxx
    and be sure to move my email address to your personal account (not sure if they let you keep the school account when you retire lol)
    Love and Hugs,
    ~ jean

    Dave’s reply:
    In a message dated 5/28/2014 8:54:06 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, writes:
    She really is amazing!😊
    Sent from my iPhone

    I agree wholeheartedly with Dave — you really are amazing!

  7. Robyn, since you seem to be an optimistic,count your blessings type of woman, I have to say you were blessed to have Dave able to talk and eat raspberries almost to the very end. There’s always something to be grateful for, even in the midst of tragedy.

  8. Friend of Dave and Jeff from my short stay in Rockville in high school in the 80’s. My times in Maryland with Dave and Jeff are still talked about all the way out here in southern Cal. So both greetings and (sadly) condolences are due to all the Tremaines. Hoping all is otherwise well.

    Peter and Staci Russell
    And Girls: Rory and Remy
    Santa Barbara, CA

  9. I’m so glad you have these special memories and thank you for sharing them. You and your children are in my prayers.

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