Healing

I originally wrote something different to post here today. Basically it was me trying to make sense of the events over the last two weeks of Dave’s life. Many keystrokes and tears later, I had a chronological account of his last days. I guess I thought in remembering as many of the details as possible through my fuzzy lens that I would better understand what had happened. I was going to share that here, but then I realized that maybe this kind of healing is in the writing and not the sharing.

The one part I did want to post is this from Sunday, June 15th – “ Kris (Dave’s sister) spent the night at the hospital with me for which I will always be grateful. Her husband, Franck, and her son, Max, brought us sandwiches, pillows and blankets. We dozed on and off throughout the night, talked about Dave, and shared thoughts and memories. It was a special time in an otherwise horrendous nightmare.”

So, since I decided not to share that original post, I’d like to say this instead – I have faced the scariest and most devastating moments of my life. I watched Dave take his last breath. I read his death certificate and hated every last word of it. I have seen Dave’s ashes. Literally. And I survived. I am still here. I am sad and missing him most minutes of every single day. I am angry that we didn’t have enough time, and none of it makes sense. Sometimes, I am probably a little bit crazy. But I know that we are going to be okay. We have to be. He wouldn’t want it any other way.

As we try to begin this healing process and start to make new memories, the kids and I are leaving for the beach today. Dave’s family arranged everything, and Sam’s friends are housesitting for us. We have already agreed that cell phones and technology will be left in the room during the day, so I’m not sure that I will post here while we are away.

This seems like a good time to say thank you for walking this path with us. Whether we are long time friends or internet acquaintances, we have felt your support and love from across the street and around the world.

xoxo,

Robyn

PS Don’t forget to mark your calendars for November 22nd to celebrate Dave’s almost 50 years in this world. It’s going to be a party worthy of him. Trust me. And if you can’t be here in person, I hope you will don some orange, blast some Van Halen and just have a good time in his honor.

Image

 

Thank you Bob Pass for this photo of Dave’s quote.  It’s perfect.  

11 thoughts on “Healing

  1. As a long ago acquaintance of Dave’s from his Lake Braddock days, your journey has been heartbreaking. I am so pleased to see that “healing” is coming. It may be right around the corner or it may be a long time, but it will come in some form or another. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting, it means you will carve a place in your heart only for those memories and only for you. I wish you and your family all the best.

  2. I hope in the middle of all your sadness you manage to have some good times too – I’m sure Dave would like that. I’ll be thinking of you and sending love.

    N xxxx

    PS I’ve marked the date on my calendar and I’ll definitely be having an orange day here in the UK.

  3. Safe travels to you and the kids. I think the beach is the perfect place to begin healing. Don’t forget I am willing to be your party slave…you name it, I am at your service. I’ve already bought orange shoes ….really!… in Dave’s honor.
    XOXOXO
    Nanabelle

  4. Will definitely be Rocking the Orange in his memory. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. As inspirational as Dave was for Hayfield, you are just as inspirational as youryour words have beautifully captured the frustration, pain, hope, disappointment, triumphs, failures,etc. through this battle. You and your family will continue to be in our prayers.

  5. Thank you for sharing this with us Robyn – your words have been truly inspirational and I feel somehow blessed to have been allowed to share your ‘rollercoaster’ with you. I know that had I had the chance I would have really enjoyed Dave’s company – what a top bloke! I will echo Nicky’s words and mark the date for a cheeky toast to you and yours in November. A xx

  6. I’ve written the date on the calendar. Have a safe trip and enjoy each other at the beach. You are always on our minds and in our hearts!

  7. Robyn, I appreciate your sharing with us the journey. I was Dave’s senior administrative assistant at Lafayette. What a great year we had. He was loved by all and especially the students. I still have the note on my computer when he left – “You’re my hero” with a big smiley face. He was truly missed by all when he left – what a void. I still have the pictures of the kids on my file cabinet. Please know I will be continuing to lift you and the kids up in prayer daily. I know we are not to question and that God does not make mistakes but sometimes it is hard not to question. Please continue to keep your blog so we can keep up with you and the kids.

  8. I’m just a follower from Laura’s blog and I’ve commented here before. Please know that you and your children are still in my thoughts and prayers. I hope this vacation gives you some much needed rest and that you will be able to enjoy this time with the kids in the midst of your sorrow. Everytime I read a new post, it makes me cry. You have such a gift of writing and telling a story. I know words can’t replace Dave but I hope you have an amazing feeling of peace wash over you as you start life without his physical body here on earth.

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