I originally wrote something different to post here today. Basically it was me trying to make sense of the events over the last two weeks of Dave’s life. Many keystrokes and tears later, I had a chronological account of his last days. I guess I thought in remembering as many of the details as possible through my fuzzy lens that I would better understand what had happened. I was going to share that here, but then I realized that maybe this kind of healing is in the writing and not the sharing.
The one part I did want to post is this from Sunday, June 15th – “ Kris (Dave’s sister) spent the night at the hospital with me for which I will always be grateful. Her husband, Franck, and her son, Max, brought us sandwiches, pillows and blankets. We dozed on and off throughout the night, talked about Dave, and shared thoughts and memories. It was a special time in an otherwise horrendous nightmare.”
So, since I decided not to share that original post, I’d like to say this instead – I have faced the scariest and most devastating moments of my life. I watched Dave take his last breath. I read his death certificate and hated every last word of it. I have seen Dave’s ashes. Literally. And I survived. I am still here. I am sad and missing him most minutes of every single day. I am angry that we didn’t have enough time, and none of it makes sense. Sometimes, I am probably a little bit crazy. But I know that we are going to be okay. We have to be. He wouldn’t want it any other way.
As we try to begin this healing process and start to make new memories, the kids and I are leaving for the beach today. Dave’s family arranged everything, and Sam’s friends are housesitting for us. We have already agreed that cell phones and technology will be left in the room during the day, so I’m not sure that I will post here while we are away.
This seems like a good time to say thank you for walking this path with us. Whether we are long time friends or internet acquaintances, we have felt your support and love from across the street and around the world.
PS Don’t forget to mark your calendars for November 22nd to celebrate Dave’s almost 50 years in this world. It’s going to be a party worthy of him. Trust me. And if you can’t be here in person, I hope you will don some orange, blast some Van Halen and just have a good time in his honor.
Thank you Bob Pass for this photo of Dave’s quote. It’s perfect.