About a week after Dave died, one of my friends asked me if I had had any dreams about him. At that point, I hadn’t. Probably because my sleep was being pharmaceutically assisted. I have had two since then. I can’t really remember the first one, but in the most recent one I literally woke myself up because I was crying. That has never happened to me before. In my dream I was hugging Dave and telling him that I didn’t want him to go. He was standing there calmly smiling at me but not saying anything and not hugging me back.
This afternoon Sam decided to take a nap between the water park and mini golf. When I went to check on her, she was crying. She told me she had a dream about Dave. In her dream we were at the water park. The kids and I were doing the activities and Dave was sitting alone in the corner making the same hand motions that he was making at home that last Saturday. (During that last day where he was reasonably coherent, he was also having bouts of disorientation where he was dreaming. He would act out motions with his hands like eating or picking at this clothes or even one time fist fighting.) Sam said the most disturbing part of her dream was that she couldn’t get to him.
So there are some common threads to our dreams. I think we are all feeling his distance right now.
But we are managing to have some fun too. We have hit the beach and pools pretty hard. We rode the Sky Wheel which was terrifying for me, but the kids liked it. We’ve explored the boardwalk and Broadway at the Beach. We’ve gone to the water park and played putt putt. We have gone out for lots of meals and each time we are in the car, we have played a similar soundtrack and sung at the tops of our lungs. And one of us always works into the conversation what Dave would have said or done if he was with us – honoring his memory while trying to create new ones. We are trying.