I can’t believe it has been three weeks already. It seems like such a long time and only yesterday at the same time. We just got home from a ten day break at the beach and the lake. Driving home gave me ample opportunity to reflect on those days.
Being away was just what we needed. There were times of tears and sadness but also many moments of laughter and joy. We have been with Dave’s family for the last three days – 24 of us in all. The evening of the 4th was difficult for me (and Grant too actually). Everything sort of hit me, and I was missing Dave so much. I ended up hiding out in my room and going to sleep pretty early. The other days were pretty good though. We swam and sunbathed and boated and laughed. Definitely more ups than downs.
I expect the holidays and occasions to be a little tough. But the tougher reminders for me are in the day to day. A couple of friends have asked me to meet them for lunch or dinner and I immediately think “I need to check with Dave.” I have been checking with him for decades so it is a habit deeply ingrained. When I see something silly or have an interesting discussion, I immediately want to tell him about it. When I take a goofy picture of the kids, my instinct is to text it to him. When something happens, I want his opinion and thoughts. I miss that. I miss holding his hand or leaning into his giant frame for an engulfing hug. I miss hearing this voice. I miss the connectedness.
I’ll stay busy this week dealing with paperwork/financial stuff that needs to be finished up. I will also need to make another trek to Social Security. My goal is also to get a venue booked for his party. The kids will be working and swimming. We will be trying to figure out what our new normal might look like. One day at a time.