I think that I have discovered a newer and easier way to blog. I just wait for someone to contact me, I respond, and then post it here. : ) In all seriousness though, some things strike a chord with me. If one person is reaching out and saying it, I feel that there are likely others thinking or wondering about it.
In response to one of my latests posts where I list 10 things that I have learned since Dave died, someone left me a message respectfully disagreeing with something that I said. She and her family suffered an unimaginable loss, and she wanted to share their point of view. She also says, in their experience, that “one day at a time” was irrelevant. Here is my response…
although i have rarely (maybe never) responded to any comments since dave died, i felt a need to come in and respond to yours. first of all, i am so sorry for your loss. i cannot begin to imagine that kind of loss. my heart aches for all of you. the “one day at a time” mantra was one that my husband said directly to all of us but used as his parting words to our son. so while i agree that sometimes it is far less than one day at a time, i find comfort in those words.
next, i would like to respectfully say that you are free to disagree with anything that i have written. you see, these are 10 things that I have learned. these are 10 things that are true for me. i would not presume that my truths are anyone else’s. though we all suffered the loss of the same incredible man, my children, dave’s parents, brother, and sister are not walking the same path or sharing the same grief. it is unique to each person. i imagine there are some common themes that resonate with people but i certainly wouldn’t think for a minute that these things are true for anyone else but me.
yes, there have been people who have been misguided or clumsy with their comments. but, for me, that is still better than silence. there have been one or two people who have crossed an imaginary line of thoughtlessness and i find that i don’t really have the energy or interest in investing any more time into those relationships. but for the most part, a well-intentioned comment that is ill phrased at least means they are trying to show they care. luckily these are the minority. thus the it is “almost” impossible to say the wrong thing. but again, this is my truth. i can completely understand why it is not so for you.
i am sending you a big hug!
ps thank you for taking the time to post your thoughts. i appreciated hearing your point of view.
After reading both her message and my response, a longtime friend privately messaged me. She was a little irked that someone would take Dave’s last words and disagree with them. Here is my response to her….
i was taken aback at her using dave’s words so dismissively. saying they weren’t relevant or something to that effect. the first time i read her message i had a bit of a “screw you” mentality. but then i went back and read it again and realized that she is obviously still suffering over her loss. enough to write about it on the blog of a complete stranger. she needs to feel right in her response. and she isn’t wrong. but neither am i. i needed her to understand that my lessons learned really weren’t for her…
In the end, I appreciated hearing from both of these women. It was good to think through some of these ideas.