5 Weeks Later – We’re Okay.

When people ask how we are doing, I’ve taken to saying, “We’re okay. Ups and downs. Some days are better than others.”

We had our end of the year swim team party last night. When it was time for Grant’s award, he was not content with the smattering of applause. So, he waved his arms and got everyone fired up until the volume was more to his liking. I think Dave would have gotten a big kick out of that.

Earlier in the evening, Sam was in the lifeguard office hanging out with some friends. A mom from the team came in asking for tape because “the only picture of the dead dad fell down.” Yea. Really. Sam handled it well and commented on how symbolic that was making the mom feel (in Sam’s opinion) pretty uncomfortable. I am quite sure she didn’t initially see Sam standing there, but honestly what an awful thing to say.

At the beginning of last week, Sam had a dream about Dave in which he came downstairs as if nothing had happened and went outside to clean up the backyard for us. I found this strangely reassuring.

On Wednesday, Parker came home from counseling with a journal of sorts. There are pages to reflect on feelings, deal with your emotions, consider what it means to die, ask questions, and share memories. She has been writing in it a little bit as the week has gone by. One page that caught my eye has to do with things that you miss. She wrote, “I miss doing things as a real family. I miss you teaching me things. I miss you tucking me in at night.”

Ups and downs.

xoxo,

Robyn

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6 thoughts on “5 Weeks Later – We’re Okay.

  1. I really do believe that your loved ones who pass visit us in our dreams!!!! I LOVE what Gramt did!!! Awesome! I’m sorry about the incident in the lifeguard office…how are you???

  2. I witnessed Dave make that exact gesture Grant made many times during a pep rally! I am sorry Sam had to hear those woman’s words, but it sounds like Sam is more mature than the parent. I often wonder do people really hear what comes out of their mouths? I hope that keeping the journal is a helpful way for Parker to share her feelings and memories. Maybe like this blog is for you? I love the front of the journal. Can’t help but notice the butterfly is orange:)

    • dave could definitely get a group (big or small) fired up! i do wonder if that person reflected later on what she said. i hope so. i’d like to think she would be more careful next time. i noticed the butterfly was orange too. : )

  3. I honestly expect people to act like adults — with integrity and in kindness — and am always so shocked when they don’t. When will I learn? 🙂 I am so, so sorry that that woman was so thoughtless. People really just don’t think. I’m convinced they just literally don’t think. Because surely if they did, they wouldn’t do many of the things they do.

    • i feel the same way. i am always shocked too. i like to give people the benefit of the doubt and try to think of an excuse for their actions or words, but sometimes there is just no excuse. sometimes people just don’t think. i am hopeful that she did consider her words afterwards. i asked sam if she apologized and she said she couldn’t honestly remember because the entire interaction was just so uncomfortable.

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