Parker handed me my cell phone and said simply, “It’s Sam,” so I wasn’t prepared for what greeted me. Samantha couldn’t even speak because she was crying so hard. Different scenarios of what could be wrong flashed in my head. Through the tears and gasps for breath I was finally able to understand, “Did you get my text?” I hadn’t looked at my cell phone for hours and panicked as to what might be going on.
It took a few minutes of reassuring for Sam to calm down enough to tell me what was wrong. She had been looking at old texts on her phone and came across this one –
She was devastated by the fact that it took her 30 minutes to respond to Dave’s text that last Saturday and that she wasn’t sure he ever got to tell her what he wanted to say. And then she cried. And I reassured. And she cried harder. And I cried silently with her. It is a pretty helpless feeling when your child is 3 hours away and hysterical about the loss of her dad. I let her cry. I comforted her. I sat silently while she tried to regain composure. I figured out that she was alone as her roommate and suite mate were both out. I asked her to please have someone come over so that she wasn’t alone. When she sounded a little bit better, we got off the phone with the promise that she would call me back if she couldn’t find someone to keep her company.
After hanging up, I looked at the texts that she sent me, and I cried for her. And for myself. Sometimes it all feels pretty damn impossible. I texted her back and put Dave’s text in context of time. Grant, Parker and I had gone to the swim meet and he texted her because he knew she was home and probably needed her to get him a drink or bring him something. That I was quite sure she had gotten him whatever he needed.
We both agree that she needs to find a counselor near school to work through some of this. I worry about her dealing with the stress of school and these moments of grief that catch you off guard and literally take your breath away. Thankfully a friend of hers arrived while we were texting so I was able to relax a little. He’s a great kid and a friend from home, and I am so grateful that he has her back and can support her when I am too far away.