1. I am, at times, both stronger than I think and not as strong as I imagine.
2. I leaned on Dave a lot. We leaned on each other. I identified this as “codependent” to a friend, and she more accurately described it as “a 22 year partnership”.
3. I have to do things myself and be okay with it. I can’t wait for someone else to take care of it. Sometimes (lots of times) it sucks to be the only grown up.
4. If I am still and listen closely, I can hear his voice in my ear. His voice agreed and prodded when it was time to take Winnie in.
5. It is okay to be kind to myself – this might be in the form of a nap or a little treat like a pedicure or a new sweater. Dave always encouraged this, and I was usually reluctant.
I miss him every single day. My heart hurts as much today as it did three months ago. My automatic response when I think about the fact that he is gone is to shake my head and mutter “God damn it.” I still can’t believe he is gone.