Every day I choose to do my best to remain positive. I try to stay focused on the bright side. I try to find the good in people or situations when it would be easier to gripe. Some days this is easier than others. I have avoided wallowing. I have gotten out of bed every day even when I’d rather pull the covers back up. To be honest, I don’t necessarily do this for me. I do it for the kids. Or for my friends and family. No need to make people worry.
I have always said that I don’t believe in luck – that some people get to be lucky and others, well, not so much. When I came home today to water gushing down the sidewalk in front of my house and a likely water main break, I had to wonder though. I might have mentally compared myself to Job (minus the skin sores part, of course.) We were utterly devastated to lose Dave. We were heartbroken again when we said goodbye to Winnie. Now, in the midst of replacing the roof and back fence, we are hit with another expense and inconvenience. Why right now? (Granted, compared to the first two losses this is peanuts. And, no, I don’t have the water main insurance. And, yes, I am beating myself up about this.)
This is a selfish point of view, I know. After all, there are many people who have much worse situations. People lose their children or have a spouse die without warning. Others can’t afford to feed their children or have no place to live. I understand all of that. But can I just have a month or a few weeks to just exist as life is now? I would be so thankful.