Every day I choose to do my best to remain positive.  I try to stay focused on the bright side.  I try to find the good in people or situations when it would be easier to gripe.  Some days this is easier than others.  I have avoided wallowing.  I have gotten out of bed every day even when I’d rather pull the covers back up.  To be honest, I don’t necessarily do this for me.  I do it for the kids.  Or for my friends and family.  No need to make people worry.

I have always said that I don’t believe in luck – that some people get to be lucky and others, well, not so much.  When I came home today to water gushing down the sidewalk in front of my house and a likely water main break, I had to wonder though.  I might have mentally compared myself to Job (minus the skin sores part, of course.)  We were utterly devastated to lose Dave.  We were heartbroken again when we said goodbye to Winnie.  Now, in the midst of replacing the roof and back fence, we are hit with another expense and inconvenience.  Why right now?  (Granted, compared to the first two losses this is peanuts.  And, no, I don’t have the water main insurance.  And, yes, I am beating myself up about this.)

This is a selfish point of view, I know.  After all, there are many people who have much worse situations.  People lose their children or have a spouse die without warning.  Others can’t afford to feed their children or have no place to live.  I understand all of that.  But can I just have a month or a few weeks to just exist as life is now?  I would be so thankful.



17 thoughts on “Job

  1. Just because other peoples problems may seem worse to you, does not mean that your problems don’t justify a loud curse word and a moment of complaining about them. I’m sorry that you are being tested, we all know you are strong enough already and don’t need the additional proof. I hope this latest is wrapped up quickly and painlessly for you!

  2. Oh Robyn, it is said God does not give you more than you can handle but I think you have had enough! This just seems like a nightmare that never ends. I know at this time you don’t want to hear others complain but I am right there with you. As I said to anyone who will listen, God I can’t take anymore please give me a break!! I pray both of us will find some kind respite from this constant tidal wave of pain, sorrow and trials…. I know this doesn’t help at all but you are not alone…some of us are in the midst of all this too…. I’m praying we both can get through these times and that there really is just a bit of light at the end of this hellish tunnel…

  3. Oh Robyn. I am so sorry that you are dealing with all these issues alone. You have every right to be upset and I am glad you have some place to share those feelings with people who love and care about you. If you need help, please feel free to call Matt. I know he would come over in a heartbeat to help you out. I will be praying that you will have calm in the midst of the chaos and that you will be able to rise up out of the ashes into a bright new day. Love you and Miss you.

  4. Having been through major water damage twice, it’s awful. Having had water damage coupled with other problems/events at the same time is hellish. It is OK to say how much is all sucks.

  5. I wish I could just come give you a great big hug and let you cry on my shoulders until you can’t cry anymore. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. It’s not right, it’s not fair, it’s so hard to understand and it makes you feel so alone. I said the exact thing to my counselor that you did at the bottom Paragraph. I should be grateful for healthy children, that we have food, etc and she said you know what, when you diminish your problems Bc someone’s might be worse then you don’t get a chance to show feelings about that certain loss. You stuff and stuff more things down Bc you ” should ” be grateful and then one day you are stuck with all of this anger Bc you haven’t dealt with those situations. She said, it makes them less important and they are very important to you!!! I don’t know you but I’ve followed your story and my heart still aches for you. I was a mess after reading your words about grant Bc it’s just so damn sad. It’s so hard to understand. My husband lost his father at a young age and he has grieved that loss so much as an adult.

  6. Well, thank goodness for the skin sores part. Geez. As I think one of the characters in “Steel Magnolias” said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me.” I’m always available for some spicy conversation…
    P.S. Need some help??? xoxoxo

  7. ugh. that’s a monday that could be erased from your history book of life. in the middle of the most challenging of times, someone told me my circumstances were like eating an elephant. you do it a bite at a time. i guess she was telling me to take one day at a time, but all i could think when those words passed her lips {besides wanting to slug her} was, i ordered an ordinary chicken caesars salad kind of life not a damn elephant for dinner! sorry. so sorry.

  8. Joann Woodward was asked , do you and Paul Neumann ever have bad days? She replied ” days?” Try years. Joe and I had 1996 that we jus finally said shoot, we give!! Unfortunately you don’t have Dave to go through this with. The good news is you have your kids and they can get it quickly!! This too will pass. I can’t wait to see you guys. I don’t know if I should order the book for Parker or find it there. I really think she would enjoy it and you as well. Love, my cousin!!! See you next week

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