Every time I expose myself and my “warts and all” brutal truths, I wonder if I have gone a step too far. Generally, I get responses or messages from people saying that it helps them understand or that they don’t feel as alone in their own thoughts. I hope that’s true as it does feel good to be helpful in some way.
I wonder if I portray myself as this miserable, unappreciative Eeyore of a person. I hope not. Because if you know me, you know that generally I can be found joking around and laughing. So, while I shared my truths and these are things that I believe, there is more than one side to these truths too.
1. I hate that others have moved on with their lives. But, honestly, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I certainly wouldn’t wish misery or unhappiness on anyone.
2. I am an absurdly proud person. I imagine that I could have made life a little easier on myself by accepting offers of help. I certainly appreciated every offer and everything done for us. If I had swallowed my pride a little more often, it would have been okay. I just couldn’t. But if I had to give advice to someone else, I would tell them to do just that.
3. I hate it when people bring Dave up to me when I am not expecting it. The reality is that I talk about Dave all the time. I bring him up at every opportunity. I probably have put many people in the position that I have described – especially my kids and his family. It’s a double standard.
4. I have judged people for not being there for me. Well, this is just fact. I have. It’s not that I am proud of this fact. It is just me being honest. Being there for someone is hard. It is sometimes being pushed out of your comfort zone. I can say that before this experience I was never there for someone in the way that I expect/want others to be there for me. I think this is really only learned through experience.
5. I hate the expression “rest in peace” or even worse RIP. I do. But I also realize that when people don’t know what else to say they rely on what is generally acceptable. We all do it. I just feel that now I have a better understanding of what message I want to convey and how I want to say it.
For every truth, there are many underlying facets. We grow and learn and evolve.