There is No Easy Way to Say It

Twice today people asked about Dave.  They didn’t know Dave.  They certainly didn’t know he had died.  Awkward.  I never know what to say because inevitably it makes people feel bad. And I don’t want anyone to feel bad.  But saying nothing would be weird too.

The first time was at the hairdresser.  She is a very direct sort of person.

H: Where does your husband get his hair cut?

Me: Ummm.  (Do I say it? What to do.) Well, uh, my husband died.

H: Oh.  I am so sorry.  I didn’t know.  You never said anything.

(Unavoidably awkward moment.)

H: What happened?

Me: He had colon cancer.

H: Did he like meat?

Me: Uh…yea…I guess so.

The second time was when the car service department called me to let me know the car was ready to be picked up.

Service Guy: Can I speak to Dave Tremaine?

Me: Uh..this is his wife.  (Am I still his wife?  I mean technically I guess I am not?)

Service Guy: I am calling to let him know that his car is ready.

Me: Actually…um…you need to change the name in your computer because…um…Dave died and…um…it needs to be in my name.  And I’ll be there to pick it up later this afternoon.

Cringe inducing, right?  For everyone involved.



10 thoughts on “There is No Easy Way to Say It

  1. Hopefully the hairdresser was saying the same thing to herself that Liz just said..Did he like meat? Wow…would have loved to hear Dave respond to that one!!!

  2. It is so often the little every day moments that catch us with our guard down. I am so sorry you are facing these and all of the many other things you are having to deal with.

    • thanks, friend. it wasn’t even that it made me feel bad today. both things were just awkward, and i actually felt more sorry for the other people. and then i tend to say “it’s okay” when it’s not really but what else can you do?! : )

  3. One of the major times I lost it was when I was in the ER with a broken patella. The sweet nurse radiologist asked me how many kids I had. I fell to pieces for a lot of reasons and she felt bad. We need to speak the truth about his accomplishments and untimely death and not worry about how others feel. Ann

    • i understand what you are saying. but i do worry about how others feel. and ultimately it comes back to me. they feel awkward; i end up reassuring them for some reason. i like to avoid these kinds of interactions with strangers as much as possible. sometimes it is unavoidable and i just power through.

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