Warm and idyllic days like today always make me miss Dave more. Not because we shared so many together, more because they remind me of the days and weeks leading up to his death. It doesn’t matter that it is September and he died in June. There is something in a sunny, mild, bluest sky kind of day that triggers emotions and memories that I don’t tap into day to day anymore. Which makes them tough to deal with. On the other hand, when I can work past these feelings, these are the days that make me feel the most peaceful too.
Today is my first day off without the kids being home too in a while. I have enjoyed running some quick errands by myself and reading on the deck soaking in the warmth. I appreciate and am grateful that I have the choice to work part time. It works for our family. I have this choice because Dave worked so hard and made sure we would be provided for after he was gone. It is also due, in no small part, to a woman named De in our benefits office. She created in us a sense of urgency, which got the ball rolling just in time, which in turn has allowed the kids and me to have the options we do. I am quite sure I never thanked her, but her expertise and guidance has made all of the difference in the world for us.
Lately, I have been mulling over how I might be able to help others who are walking a similar path to ours. I know that I have said it before but I believe that we weren’t supposed to come out of this experience without having learned something. I also believe that somehow helping others in this process is something I should be doing. I just haven’t quite figured out what that means. I’m open to ideas and suggestions.
xoxo,
Robyn
embracingtherollercoaster 
Robyn, funny you should post this today. First of all, I really think you should consider pulling some of these blogs together to publish. I’m sure others have metioned this as well. Second of all, I was wondering if I could share your blog with a friend whose wife passed monday, coincindentally the same age as all of us and the same cancer and three kids. So much of what you have written I feel could be helpful to others, especially during this first year. What you have done is so eloquently put words to feelings that others going through the same experience may not find the words for. This is your unique gift and I can imagine how your words will resonate. Kerri
Sep 11, 2015 03:08:53 PM, comment+pyfjfrazds7edqqez2yb2yz@comment.wordpress.com wrote:
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embracingtherollercoaster posted: ” Warm and idyllic days like today always make me miss Dave more. Â Not because we shared so many together, more because they remind me of the days and weeks leading up to his death. Â It doesn’t matter that it is September and he died in June. Â There is so”
thank you so much for asking. a thousand times, yes. if my words could help someone else, it would be such a gift to me too. i appreciate YOUR supportive words so much. thank you, friend.
Hi Robyn,
Your writing and your messages are beautiful and ugly, funny and gut-wrenching, and simple and complex all at the same time. The truth of your experience may not always be warm and fuzzy. But, your writing is so beautiful, I know it would help so many going through similar experiences if your blog could be available more broadly. Perhaps through a bigger blog outlet? And a book would be fantastic!
I don’t have any publishing connections anymore. But, I’d be happy to help try.
Best,
Merrill Press
Hi Robyn Just continue to live your life the way you do each day. You have shown so many of us to be strong and don’t sweat the little things because we never know what might face us around that corner of life. I think you would do a great job if you were to publish some ways in how to deal with life in general. Besides you would be cheaper then any uncaring doctors I have seen. Ha ha. Your family has certainly been shown the best example in life.
Dear Robyn, I agree with all the above…Sharing your thoughts, feelings, and words have helped me so much…I think your writing could help so so many….
Lisa