I posted this on Facebook yesterday but thought it was also worth sharing here. Throughout this process of grieving I have learned a lot about myself but in no way would I presume that what I have learned could be turned into a “things not to do” list for others to follow. Everyone has to do it their own way. On her list is not dwelling on the past. Your past is part of the fabric of who you are. You can’t control your memories good or bad. Yesterday I passed some emergency vehicles and immediately the image of EMTs and firefighters rushing into my house that final Sunday popped into my head. That memory took me back to a time that I don’t care to revisit but there was nothing I could do about it. That happens more often than I would like but not because I am “dwelling” there. Anyway, here is the rest of my two cents and a link to the article, if you are interested.
i scrolled past this several times yesterday but seeing it again this morning made me click. i take issue with the wording in the title “13 ways not to grieve” as that suggests that there is some right or wrong way. the last thing people who are grieving need to think is that they are grieving incorrectly. grieving is personal. what works for me might not work for you. she mentions that mentally strong people don’t feel sorry for themselves. i disagree. i think it is okay to take a beat and feel sorry for yourself and acknowledge that things suck. i am not suggesting you make it your full time job but taking the time you need is important too. the article mentions her keeping her husband’s belongings “like a museum”. i haven’t gotten rid of dave’s things. it’s not a shrine. it comforting to have these physical reminders of him. only the person grieving can decide what their “ways to grieve” are. i have been around several people lately who are grieving all in very different ways than me. i don’t think that i have the answers for them. i do have the encouraging words of support and hugs though.