I have said many times that there are times when a memory hits seemingly out of nowhere and throws me for a loop. This weekend that happened again and it seems a good example to explain what happens.
I went to see the movie The Martian with my sister-in-law and a good friend of Dave’s. In the movie, one of the astronauts gets left behind on Mars and perseveres despite numerous obstacles. After many, many trying events, the astronaut finally gets angry. My mind flashed back to the day in the oncology office when Dave’s doctor told him that he had three to six months to live. After the doctor left the room, Dave turned his back on me for a minute to collect himself. It was that palpable emotion that took me back – that sadness and frustration when hope has all but been taken away from you. The very hope that you had been clinging to and that had been helping you get through the toughest of times.
I got lost in my head for a while after that and disconnected from the movie in front of me. I had to pull myself out of that memory and choose to shut down those devastating memories. Luckily my sister-in-law said something unintentionally funny which helped a lot. I don’t know if she noticed but I got chatty after that. It helped to keep my mind out of that dark space.