Mom and I enjoyed our annual “escape to the sun” getaway earlier this month. This year we explored the Ft. Myers/Sanibel part of Florida. It was a beautiful eighty degrees, sunny, and breezy. We agreed that although at times it was quite a bit breezy, we would have been melting without it. By all accounts the weather here was also very nice for much of the time that we were gone so the kids and Dad didn’t suffer too much in our absence.
We are awarding scholarships to four Hayfield seniors again this year. While I was basking in the sun I thought I might start to read applications, but I found that anytime I saw Dave’s name in print, a great giant lump would form in my throat. In the end, I abandoned the task and just read my book or listened to music.
That bit of melancholy followed me home, and I couldn’t seem to shake it off for the next few days. By the end of the weekend, I was pretty much feeling back to normal for which I was very grateful. It is strange how these moments can just hit seemingly out of nowhere.
I think about Dave all the time. Today I had a training that was right around the corner from one of the schools where he worked for many years. I thought about him but in a happy memory way. He loved his years overseeing the academy and some of his favorite people work there still. Likewise, March Madness is going on and I remember him and our yearly contest with a smile on my face. Every year we would complete brackets. Almost every year he was mathematically eliminated by the sweet sixteen. So, most days I can think of him and might have only a twinge of sadness or regret, but other days, it knocks me back a step or two. It’s completely unpredictable.
I do recognize how much progress I have made over the last year, nine months and a day (if I were counting), but I still have a ways to go. I find myself becoming more introverted than ever and know that I need to find times to step out of my comfort zone more often. A friend of mine, who has recently gone through a big change in her life, has declared this the “year of yes” which I renamed the “year of yikes”. I admire her proactive effort to move forward and try new things. Another friend, who has also gone through a loss in recent months, said she is committed to trying 52 new things this year. I admire both of these women and their bravery very much.
I guess this is all part of the process and it all takes time. I wish there was a guidebook.