Thinking about Death at a Funeral

On Monday, Dave and I went to a funeral for a close friend’s mother.  Dave was a mess.  In the twenty plus years that we have been married, it might be the only time I have seen him cry.  Funerals naturally bring out lots of thought and feelings.  Dave was emotional because he was mourning for his friend but also because he was thinking about his own mortality.  While we were waiting for the service to begin, Dave was telling me that he didn’t want any of these rituals.  I assured him that I knew he didn’t want a funeral or burial.  He commented that he thought his mom would want to have a funeral for him.  I assured him that his mom would want to honor his wishes and do whatever it is he wanted.  He nitpicked about the cards that were handed out that he thought were impersonal and not what his friend would have preferred.  He questioned how his friend was going to afford it all. I sat and listened and bit back tears and words.  He needed to get some things off his chest, and he needed me to listen.