Warm and idyllic days like today always make me miss Dave more. Not because we shared so many together, more because they remind me of the days and weeks leading up to his death. It doesn’t matter that it is September and he died in June. There is something in a sunny, mild, bluest sky kind of day that triggers emotions and memories that I don’t tap into day to day anymore. Which makes them tough to deal with. On the other hand, when I can work past these feelings, these are the days that make me feel the most peaceful too.
Today is my first day off without the kids being home too in a while. I have enjoyed running some quick errands by myself and reading on the deck soaking in the warmth. I appreciate and am grateful that I have the choice to work part time. It works for our family. I have this choice because Dave worked so hard and made sure we would be provided for after he was gone. It is also due, in no small part, to a woman named De in our benefits office. She created in us a sense of urgency, which got the ball rolling just in time, which in turn has allowed the kids and me to have the options we do. I am quite sure I never thanked her, but her expertise and guidance has made all of the difference in the world for us.
Lately, I have been mulling over how I might be able to help others who are walking a similar path to ours. I know that I have said it before but I believe that we weren’t supposed to come out of this experience without having learned something. I also believe that somehow helping others in this process is something I should be doing. I just haven’t quite figured out what that means. I’m open to ideas and suggestions.